The Pursuit of a Soul Mate; Love as Idolatry from a Christian Perspective
Love as Idolatry We have absorbed some strange ideas in America. One is the idea of “soul mate” which goes back to Plato and the idea that humans were once androgynous but were split in two and spent their lives looking for their other half. In other places, it is someone with whom you have karma. You are compelled to be with them to “finish the soul work.” Which means……a lot of problems. In the US, it simply means someone you are drawn to or are romantically involved with. Rather cheapening the original meaning…and causing harm to those seeking a lifelong mate and marriage..some even believe God has ordained only one person for you ( Judeo-Christian concept.) Throughout history, marriage has taken different forms and been completed in different ways (it’s a legal contract.) Most did not involve love in any sense. One was expected to grow to love the other person. We find this a very anti- American sentiment. However, long term, marriages for “love” in Western society fail at an abysmal rate. Arranged marriages, on the other hand, still work. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/20/fashion/weddings/parental-involvement-can-help-in-choosing-marriage-partners-experts-say.html?_r=0 Our rebellious natures, when to comes to choosing a mate, may work against us. Starting from a biblical perspective might be of help in understanding marriage as it has been and is supposed to be. What rules did Jesus and the disciples actually set down about marriage? “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24 (NKJV) “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” — Ephesians 5:31-33 (NIV) 1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. 6But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. 7For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 10And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.-1Corinthians 7 12But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? Marriage is holy; sanctified of God. It is a picture of Christ and the Church and how that relationship functions. It is further intended as a home in which to raise children properly, lovingly, and growing in the in knowledge of the Lord. It is shared with the community via the church and an introduction of the new couple. What is touted as love in this country however is the endless seeking of someone to have as a “best friend you have sex with.” The sex comes first usually. Then a toe or two in the water with living together, having children, or both. Then marriage, if the couple can afford the kind of huge “party” that seems to be the goal of every girl or young woman. A dress, a day when everyone is focused on her. Somewhat like grown up prom night. If it fails, you just start all over again. The idea of a lifelong partner seems to ebb as the excitement ends. Bills and illnesses and lost jobs, addictions and cheating and just being worn out. Not romantic. Because the goal is romance, the skills needed to “land” that…soul mate, and those needed for a successful marriage, are completely different. Compatibility of work ethics and life goals, and yes, the families, the ability to save money, to plan for a life together, are totally absent. The idea of romance is a fairly new development, as these things go (the idea of courtly love, which is the well we draw from for our ideas, was about reporting to the “court” the symptoms of your unrequited longing, proving you had the deepest love ever…usually for a married or otherwise unavailable partner. I guess nobles were really really bored in the Middle Ages.) It is not a working model for finding true love or lifelong love! http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/courtly%20love It goes further. Young women in the country, even 15 or 16 years old, seem devastated if they have not already found their perfect partner. The angst over losing a boyfriend, for instance, is far more intense than when I was in a teenager in the bad old seventies.(where we were reminded there was more than one fish in the sea.)These girls truly believe they are lost without having THE ONE in their lives. The life skills and other tasks they need to complete, to be ready for a partner, do not matter. Only the boyfriend. THE ONE meant to be in your life is The One…the Lord. The I AM. Not another human being. To center yourself on someone else, his or her every whim, desire, and penchant to be fulfilled by you, is to indeed, worship him or her. If they give you enough to keep you coming back for more….it will indeed seem like partnership. (men do this too not just women.) It is often based more on fantasy than real life. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/idolatry “ Immoderate attachment or devotion to something.” That sounds about right. Idolatry is absolutely forbidden to believers. In the Godly view of marriage, you are supposed to use your common sense, as well as your attraction to someone. You are supposed to build towards something. Courting or wooing is a time period where you get to know if you DO work well with someone and have similar goals(And for believers, similar beliefs). Not all attractions are healthy; not all couples will be able to stay together forever. For peace and order in our lives, we were supposed to let an unbelieving spouse go, or stay with them if they wished. They might be saved through us! We could decide to remarry if widowed, or to stay single. Where is any of that is the idea of “the one and only?”Where is there a commandment from God to find our “one possibility” for love? Oh that’s right, there isn’t one. They become our one and only WHEN we marry them. But here comes the nifty part. God himself said that once you are married, you are one flesh! You have an opportunity, to experience the true partnership most people say they crave. Holy matrimony. Waiting to consummate the union. Falling deeper in love as you form your own family. Maybe children. Not all are so blessed but the promise of new life is there. We have mistaken the satisfaction of the flesh…and emotion, for love. Real love is not a constant “high.” It is not always straightforward, and marriage is a commitment, which means it takes work. And sometimes sacrifice. |
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