Who was Valentine? a priest (some say bishop) who married Christian couples in secret, because a Caesar declared marriage off limits for his soldiers. While those of other belief systems could manage to find accommodations, this was a serious issue for early Christians. So Valentine stood for Christian marriage and was beheaded for it.
If you want to read more: http://www1.cbn.com/st-valentine-real-story Today, Valentines means pulling out all the stops to have a romantic day. How trivial we have made such a powerful statement about marriage in the Christian view, a man who was martyred for his faith, into a candy for kids and sex for adults winter holiday. Why not instead take his lead as a Christian and work towards freeing our young people from the tyranny of constant romance and sexual stimulation, which have nothing to do with standing before God and making a vow to honor your partner, your husband and wife, for life? Instead, it focuses on drama and sexual activity, as a substitute for actual love and respect. The Christian church for too long has moralized about piety and done nothing to help our youth, inundated with ideas from secular mindsets, told to ignore their parents and enjoy sex,,,from about age 12 on.. so for the Christian, this means no hope of having a normal sex life until they marry, which in many cases won’t be until their late twenties, because we also insist they must have education and career goals set and mastered before that time..which is also a secular mindset. Why aren’t we honest about the responsibilities of having sex, what kinds of birth control your church has decided is ok (most would say barrier methods, the rhythm method or abstinence, while others will admit the pill, etc. stops ovulation and therefore no pregnancy normally happens, so no human embryo is developing and then lost.) Why don’t we tell kids that having one boyfriend or girlfriend after another, breaks your heart and can lead to poor decision making in many areas of life?? That living together does not improve the chances of having a long marriage? That great dating skills, including, these days, sexual competency, does nothing for marriage, which is a couple/future family working together for the good of that family unit? Not for a big party and expensive clothes, social prominence, or that elusive and so fraught with selfishness thing called “personal happiness”.so the first time you are unhappy, boom..divorce court. I think it is about time the church started teaching sexual morality and personal responsibility, and having trusted members of your church give the lessons might be less embarrassing than the parents getting so specific. And it needs to begin much younger than we all think, 12 is not too early. Kids are exposed to social media, older kids, and a constant need to be in the “group” which often includes….sex. We also need to rethink our demands on our kids, as the societally acceptable views on marriage still leads to a 50 % divorce rate, a high rate of infidelity, and broken homes often with children caught between the two parents. That’s a far cry from considering husband and wife “one Flesh” so much a unit you don’t talk about one without the other… or as Paul said.. Ephesians 5:23-29 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church We do not teach spiritual leadership to our young men, as in leading prayers, going to church, and praying for his family constantly, never mind why it is important. That is not dominating or controlling a wife and children, but leading guiding and encouraging, We do not teach women that submitting to a husband does not mean being a dishrag or allowing abuse, but acknowledging God within the relationship. We do not each children their worth, that being someone’s sexual plaything is not what they are meant for. We do not teach that marriage may mean periods without sexual activity…illness, separation due to many causes, pregnancy, permanent disability…and you must be ready for that reality and not give in to the ways of the world by having affairs, emotional or sexual. Or “tuning out” with sports, games, going out with the guys or gals,,,,that you should attempt to make most socialization family oriented. If you aren’t making history and memories, you are not actually living as a family. We don’t teach about money, it becomes his and hers. Too many of us selfishly spend as we wish instead of putting needs before wants. Without some good money management and goals taught, young people are totally lost in the sea of marketing, and gloss the world presents,. If you are thinking a lot of supposedly mature people don’t have a clue either, good point. Some of this could b presented as a family devotional series..for the whole church. One phrase jumps out at me from the Bible. I will relate how in just a moment.( and yes, this typifies the relationship between God and Israel as well.) Malachi 2:14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. Proverbs 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. The wife of your youth. It is time to release our children from needless suffering and “making their own way.” We can do better. We need to start honoring and including our young people in marriage, as early as 18. (they need to be able to legally sign a contract.) We further need to help them find housing, keep their relationship both with God and each other intact, mentor them in friendship, with older members of the church willing to answer any question, intervene if necessary in fights, celebrate with them and help them grow. It’s a lot more than just sitting in a church pew. I am not, however suggesting something like the sheperding movement, where younger members must submit on every issue, jobs, sexual activity etc, to the whims of an older member, but a voluntary and loving relationship that is able recognize the growing independence of the younger members. But..but…what about the wedding, where will kids with no money live? How can they afford cars and honeymoons and school? And so we circle back around to societal expectations, which are in effect meaningless. Instead of the huge weddings so promoted by the secular mindset, what about weddings that happen..with the church family? Guests of the bride and groom outside of family need to be able to be quiet and respectful. The only thing that matters in a wedding is the vows to God. Church members could donate their time and skills, or be paid if necessary, for a cake, for foods to offer a communal feast after the vows, to help make a dress or alter a bought dress, arrange flowers. Formal photography might not be wanted…but could be supplied if wanted. And if anyone in the church has a mountain cabin, a beach house… a town apartment, you have a readymade honeymoon destination. Income is suddenly no longer important in arranging the ceremony..all can participate. And all the money saved could be put together to pay for a year of an apartment, or a down payment on a car, church members could offer their separate living quarters, a basement or mother in law quarters, so that the kids have a life separate from their parents , as non family members will probably be tougher about the rent payment, or keeping up with chores than family anyway. In some cultures the bride is just plain given money; that may not suit all circumstances, so applying the money towards desired goals is probably better. What about the wedding industry? Well, they don’t give a fig about Christian marriage, only about how much they can get you to spend, so…tough, If we withdraw from the world’s idea of marriage ceremonies, it might be a powerful testimony, on many levels. I would suggest not going to the courthouse for a license either, for many reasons, but that may be too radical for some. I am suggesting that Christians return to celebrating marriage within the Christian community, that we teach our youngsters how it really works, and what to expect, and offer support as they grow into the people they will become. |
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